More Letters

Dear Bloat,

This is so not funny. Do you realize I have an interview tomorrow? I cannot go pantsless. You do realize this, don't you? I even tried to walk through massive cramps yesterday because of the bargain we made. When I said that I wanted to be able to zip up a pair of pants, I kinda sorta meant that I'd also like to be able to sit down in them. Why do you hate me?

You're a cruel and terrible master.

Your whipped little puppy,
R

Dear Stephenie,

I used to hate you. Really. That first day when you stupidly jumped off the boat and thought you could beat it to shore. You swimming vs. a boat. Stupid.

But I don't hate you anymore. In fact, I'm almost smitten with you-- in a non-sexual, totally platonic way. You've kicked so much ass. I totally respect that. I so want you to win. This, of course, means you won't. I'm sorry. They're so gunning for you.

Rooting for you,
R

Dear Katie,

I don't like you. At all.

In fact, I kinda hate you.

Also, how is it that you're the only one with some pudge still? I don't get that.

Hating you,
R

Dear Janu,

You're weird, lazy, and a bit whiney. But, on you, it works. Go figure.

Thanks for quitting so Stephenie could stay. You rock!

Admiringly yours,
R

Dear Gregg,

Shut up.

Also, your dead eyes and sharp, pointy little teeth disturb me. A lot.

Not liking you,
R

Dear Tea,

Ohmygod!!! You are so good!

Orgasmically yours,
R